Email to Ellie, from a good friend:
Please ladies, heed my word.
It has come to my attention that several of you are listening to the devil's music.
Depeche Mode? The Indigo Girls? With your choices you're basically begging to be driven to deviant sapphic love.
Read the list and reflect. Ellie, you should be particularly careful. You are, after all, on the verge of a god-sanctioned heterosexual marriage.
xxoxoxox (but not the gay kind)
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