Dinner With Brendan

Email from Brendan:

Dan & Ellie,

Thanks so much for the dinner invite last night.  The food was deeeelish and I always love hanging out with you guys.

I will return the favor in short order.  Maybe some of Grandma Su’s famous meatballs and a few bottles of chianti at my place?

Thanks again and here’s to more Colorado weekends like this past one.

Very Truly Yours,

Brendan

p.s. Dan: I almost finished The Road last night.  Couldn’t put it down.  I forced myself to go to sleep at 1:30, and then had dreams about post-nuclear survival all night!!!!!!  Remind me to bring Blood Meridian next time I see you.

Love You Muchly, Mama

Email from Mama (Monkey) to Ellie:


I'm happy you're not too disappointed (about the snafus regarding the black walnut bed). These things have a way of working out for the best anyway. (just call me Pollyanna!)

I'm flying home today--have 2 days to get ready for big fundraiser at our house. I'm scared.

G'daddy seems better than ever physically. He doesn't seem as sharp as usual, but I think that's because his hearing is so BAD!!! Really frustrating--promise you'll encourage me strongly to use a hearing aid if I need it later. The real reason he won't use it is cost---he's so dang cheap!!!

Gotta turn off phone.

Love you muchly,

Mama

Anne-Marie Knight Memories and Condolences

I've hit a rather frustrating patch here in NY as an actor and I wish more than anything that I could e-mail Annie and hear back the encouraging words I know she would have for me. I miss being able to share my journey as an actor with her, I just miss Annie...

- alisha soper, Brooklyn, NY

If Ever You Need Some Lovin

Email from Leslie to Ellie:

Ellie, oh ellie, I love you so.

Thank you. Thank you for taking care of me. I love this piece erica wrote and all the other pieces you sent. I am going to read Wild Geese for my students tomorrow because it is just so lovely, true and inspiring. I am so lucky to have a friend like you to call in times good and bad. It is so good to know you are there and always will be. I am feeling a lot better. I've been reaching out to other people in my program and feeling a lot less lonely. I know the situation will continue to bother me, but I think I am over the hump. Thank you so much for being your big-hearted, creative, brilliant, beautiful self. Send erica my love.

Always,

Les

ps-and I'm gonna visit you someday soon - maybe summer, maybe next winter - but its gonna happen - so GET READY!!

pps-don't hesitate to call me if ever you need some lovin

Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

For a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

Memorial Service

Erica's Remembrance:

She chose an “outside-in” house, with walls of windows, and filled our home with the sky.

She put us out with the cat.  She taught us the names of flowers.  She brought the leaves inside.

She filled our fists with pens and paints and showed us the beauty in our own art.

She listened to the details, and cared as much as we did.  She was there, into the night, until our decisions were made.

She taught us that we are extraordinary, yet just like everyone else.

She said, “I’m with you,” in moments of despair, when no ears but hers, could have born the burden of our fears.

She was there, without judgment, to show us we were not alone, filling us with strength, to emerge healed and whole.

Anne-Marie Knight Memories and Condolences

What an artist! 

I met Annie on Semester at Sea. Joe was the ship’s doctor. I was the ship’s art teacher. Our families were neighbors on the ancient SS Universe, creaking towards oblivion on its final voyage around the world. Our families played together and bonded. Annie audited my painting and drawing classes. As our ship chugged westwards, it was such a joy to see the amazing artwork Annie produced: sumi-e watercolors, Indian miniatures, Islamic geometry. She was creative, inventive, accomplished, an inspiration to the other students about what was possible. She breathed in the sights, sounds, colors textures and patterns of each place we visited. She exhaled art.

After the voyage our families remained friends. My wife Rebecca and I invited Annie to judge the children’s arts and crafts exhibition at the San Juan County Fair. She set a standard for care, quality and empathy that has yet to be equaled by those who came after her, filling the label of each winning ribbon with encouragement and acute observation. I have no doubt many a child felt their artistic impulse vindicated by Annie’s powerful words.

We will miss her so.


- Bryn Barnard, Friday Harbor, WA



What a dear woman Ann was; how compassionately and beautifully she interacted with others, in the most nurturing manner. I only wish I could have spent more time with her, she was nothing but consistantly kind and interested in me and everyone around her. Thank you Ann. You will always be alive in my mind and others'.

- Molly Seaver, Rochester, MN



For quite some time now I have been thinking about what I wanted to write. I finally came to the conclusion that no words will ever be able to describe the profound affect that Annie has had on my life. I feel (as many others do) that Annie is like a second mom to me, some of my very first memories are toddling around the Knight's house. A house that has been a constant in my life through many changes where my own home felt foreign to me. It’s hard to accept that such a drastic change has taken place with in this home that I have known my whole life. Two days before Annie passed I had a stunning dream about her. She woke up and Erica, her and I were sitting on a love seat in the Knight's living room and Annie was healed her hair was long and beautiful and her skin glowed. Since then Annie has been appearing in many of my dreams just popping up, making little cameos here and there. I like to think that through dreams and memories she is never truly gone. She has touched my life and many others so deeply and inspired us to create, dream, imagine, preserve and love... through all of those amazing gifts Annie lives on. And I for one will never truly say good bye but instead carry those gifts with me through my daily life and celebrate her beautiful spirit.

- Alisha Soper, Brooklyn, NY

I had a dream last night about Annie. I was able to see a maple tree in her brain. I didn't know a maple tree looked like until I found a picture of it. The most amazing thing about it is that one of the poems she wrote describes her personality reflected in a maple tree.

- Francisco Fonseca, Seattle, WA

To the Knight Family I feel very privileged to call Ann my friend. We met because our sons are friends. Alex,my son.has called Ann a second mom many times.
We were blessed by Ann and Joe being in our lives. Our family will miss her, our prayer are with you at this most difficult time. P.S. Michael I want you to know that if you ever need a mom I'm here for you Love Sharon

- Sharon Koons, Shoreline, WA



Even though I only knew Anne for a few years, she has made a lasting impression on me. I will always remember her peaceful outlook on life, her love for the trees, and the way she, Joe, Erica, and Michael invited myself and other QUEST interns into their home for wonderful, and much appreciated homecooked meals. Thank you for everything, Anne, we'll miss you.

- Kristine Robson, Seattle, WA 



Dearesr Erica and family, Even though I am not there physically I send you much love and strength.

- Andrea Parra, Bogotá



Oh Annie, how you are missed.

I keep remembering the day Suzanne and I were waiting to meet her at Queen Mary's Teahouse in NE Seattle. Suzanne and I sat at a window looking out at the street, and after awhile noticed Annie approaching--striding confidently, wearing (as usual) her brilliantly colored, flowing garments, flaming hair streaming behind her. She was radiantly beautiful. That's how I'll always remember her physical presence.

As striking as that memory is, it was her powerful, yet gentle spirit that continually amazed me. Not only was she incredibly creative and passionate about the natural world and its pleasures, but she was able to freely share and encourage similar passions and abilities in all who had the good fortune to know her. She gently allowed, cajoled, or forced us to quite simply become the best we could be.

My life has been so enriched by knowing her, and I am truly honored to call her my friend. Although I do and will miss her terribly, I wholeheartedly celebrate her well-lived life, and am grateful for the intersection of our lives.

- Bonnie Swanson, Anchorage, AK



Although the autumn moon
has set, its light
lingers on my face.

Night grows short:
a dream of many years
breaks off before it ends.

When autumn winds blow
not one leaf remains
the way it was.

--Unknown

I've felt the urge to write, create!, and be musical lately, thanks to Mom-Annie. I've decided that I would like to honor her by trying to emulate some of her amazing qualities and habits.

I started a list of all the ways that I would like to be more like Annie, and just could not believe how long the list was and how meaningful the resolutions were to me. (Much more so than any New Years.)

Some of my resolutions are relatively small: keep loose leaf tea, wear colorful scarves more often, learn UU hymns, collect art supplies, keep a journal, embrace my inner hippie, decorate my refrigerator, read poetry more often, create my own children's books, love and care for the plants in and around my home...

While other Annie Resolutions are life-sweeping: try to avoid negative feelings, love and appreciate and feel connected to nature, be part of a peace-loving, family-loving, art-and-music-loving community, show love with words, art, time, and connection rather than with money, possessiveness, or things, spend more time outdoors, encourage my own artistic, musical, and spiritual growth.

And the list goes on. I have always known that Mom-Annie, in so many ways, is my hero--the spirit that I respect and admire more than any other. The resolutions just clarified exactly why I feel that way.

I personally don't plan on ever saying goodbye to Annie's spirit. I'd rather hold her as close to my heart as possible, struggling to be more like Annie on a daily basis, and never let go of all that is Annie.

But I will miss our conversations over tea.

- Ellie Swanson, Denver, CO



I am so sad. Ann was a much-loved woman and her passing is a true loss to those who remain behind. I adored Annie's inner strength, that deep, hidden (though sometimes not-so-hidden) fire that combusted raw materials and produced art, Art, ART!

- Alex Koerger, Fircrest, WA



What a joy it was to know Anne over the past years. She was an inspiring soul who saw beauty in all things and goodness in all people. She was truly special.

- Larry Hill, Lynnwood, WA



Dear Joe, Erica, Michael, Elioteers, and the innumerable people who were touched by Anne's grace and love: I am so sorry for your loss and mine. The earth is a better place for having been visited by Anne but it will never be the same again. We are so sad! Much love to you as you cope with this transition. See you in church. Love, Kathy

- Kathy Reid-Russell, Seattle, WA



I was reading a poem by Mary Oliver and some lines jumped out at me because they were so Annie:

"When it's over, I want to say: 
all my life I was a bride married to amazement."

Annie was always amazed by the beauty of the world. She reveled in nature and its abundance. She was always curious as to what would come up in her garden. I remember her saying to me, "I wonder what Mother Nature planted over there," and then would grin with delight.

I will miss her delight.

Love,
Amy

- Amy Gray, Seattle, WA



Oh, Annie, I can't believe you're gone.

Annie was such a wonderful presence among us, and I have to believe she still is with us, somehow. 

She was one of the kindest and gentlest people I have ever met. I know that her family must miss her very deeply, as do we, her friends.

Stay with us, in spirit, Annie!

Love,

Kathy

p.s. to my sister, Peggy: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing Annie's Morning Blessing with us! It's beautiful.

- Kathy Morgret, Tullahoma, TN



Dearest Annie, I will miss you so much! You helped me come out of my artistic shell by your brave example. Most of all you taught compassion and gentleness in dealings with people, especially in the face of conflict. Your spirit will live on in me. Thank you for the gift of your true self while you were here...there is nothing more precious.

- Jacqui (Lynch) Emanuel, Bothell, WA

I had the good fortune to know Ann through the July Eliot Institute at Seabeck. She had an amazing ability to be fully present, and a quality of being intensely alive and joyful. One of my favorite memories of July Eliot is of a talent show skit in which Ann and Joe performed a mock operation. Ann, as surgeon, pulled an ungodly array of hardware out of the abdomen of the hapless, sheet-draped "patient"--before having the fellow's beating heart slip out of her hands and go skittering across the floor.

The gift of Ann's presence in small discussion groups and of her deft guidance in mask-making workshops gently nudged many Elioteers into encounters with unknown parts of ourselves. I'll always remember the entry into the Meeting House of an array of masked figures--familiar friends transformed into spirit beings through the magic of their work with Ann. I am deeply grateful for having known Ann during these brief July weeks over the years. To Joe and the children I extend my heartfelt sympathy.

- Christina Dodds, Vancouver, WA

Annie was simply a wonderful spirit who touched us in so many ways. Everyday there is a tree, flower or piece of art which makes me think of her. I miss her very much. I want to share her Morning Blessing here which Jim read every morning to start his day:

Morning Blessing:

Bless this day.
May it be a day of joy--
of shared joy.
May it be a day of healing, strengthening, rest.
May we laugh with gusto.
May we sing our own songs in our own ways.
May we breathe with awareness and appreciation.
May this be a day of accomplishment--may our actions express our deepest calling.
May this be a day of profound peace.
Bless this day.

And bless you Annie for all you gave to us.

Love, Peggy

- Peggy Kent, Poulsbo

I was shocked to see a face from my past on the obituary pages this evening. I worked with Annie back in the early 80's at Crissey Flowers downtown and remember socializing with she and her husband, Joe at several company get togethers. "Anna Banana", as we sometimes called her was such a calm and gentle presence, (so like the flowers we worked with), yet just as likely to laugh it up and be silly when we'd work into the wee hours on many a holiday! I lost touch with her long ago, but just seeing her face again brings back lots of memories. My deepest condolences and prayers go out to Joe and her children and family. She was a special lady and will not be forgotten.

- Mary Akiyama, Kirkland, WA

A Very Sad Valentines Day

Email from Mama (Monkey) to Ellie:

Dear Elle,

You seemed disappointed in me when I called to tell you the news last night. I was thinking this morning that maybe you'd have rather heard from Erica. If so, I'm sorry--I guess we should've discussed it beforehand. I just felt like reaching out to someone who cared about her a lot. I should've known, because when I heard it from Suzanne, we didn't feel like talking much at all either. Anyway, hope you're doing ok. Have you spoken to Erica yet? I'm glad you're going (again) this weekend. I ache for Erica.

love you lots, and I'm sorry,
mama


Email from Ellie to Mama (Monkey):

Mama,

I was NOT disappointed in you at all, just sad in general. I was very glad that you thought of calling me and letting me know. I might have sounded strange partly because I was in bed and almost asleep, but not quite. I tried to call Erica but she didnt answer, I figure she'll call me when she wants to talk...

Feel free to call me and talk anytime. I love you lots and lots and lots. Happy Valentines day... heh.

Love,

Ellie

Email from Mama (Monkey) to Ellie:

Oh goodie. I get paranoid. 

I wish she'd made it to the island. I feel this need to go there and be by myself but I think it'll be awhile til pop and I are free, between Grammy b and granddaddy....

Love you too

Mama

Email from Erica to Family and Friends:

Hi everyone,

My mom passed away last night.  I was holding her hand, and she seemed
peaceful.  I know that it's really hard to know what to say.  Please
don't stress about that.  It helps just  knowing that I have wonderful
friends like you out there in the world.

Love,
Erica

Mom-Annie Died

Email from Joe to Family and Friends:

Annie died peacefully this evening at about 9:15 PM. She was with her family who were holding her and supporting her. A memorial service will be planned for a later date weeks from now. Thanks for all your support and love.

The End is Near

Email from Joe to Family and Friends:

Annie remains unconscious and her breathing pattern has changed. The end is near.  She is very comfortable and seems at ease. Thanks for all the phone calls and emails of support.

Journeying Towards Whatever Comes Next

Email from Erica to Family and Friends:

It is with great sorrow that I tell you that my mom is now in a coma
and could pass away at any time.  It could be tonight, or several days
from now.  It's hard to say.  Basically, she just didn't get better as
we had hoped, and we believe that the cancer must have spread into her
bone marrow, thereby causing her platelet levels to continue dropping.

Thankfully, she has seemed very peaceful, and has not been in a lot of
pain.  My family is blessed to have wonderful friends around us
offering comfort and love.  I ask that you send courage and love to my
mom as she makes this journey towards whatever comes next.  Thank you
again for all of your kind words.  I know I haven't always responded
but please know that I received your emails and greatly appreciated
them.  The love of friends truly helps to counteract the feelings of
fear and lonliness that I am experiencing as I lose my mom.

Love,
Erica

Continued Vigil

Email from Joe Knight to Family and Friends:

Annie continues in comfort and peace. She is not talking to us and is not eating or drinking. She is surrounded by family and friends, laughter and tears, music and chanting, prayers and meditations, food and drink. Thanks to all of you for your support and love.

Joe

Like Second Parents

Email from Jordan:

Dear Ellie,

I am so sorry to hear that Erica's mom is dying.  It was clear from the way that you guys interacted during the wedding and wedding shower that they were like second parents to you, formal recognition of godmother status or not.  How is Erica holding up?  Have the doctors been able to make her mother comfortable.  It must be incredibly painful to have her be too confused to talk to...

Standing Vigil For Mom-Annie

Email from Joe Knight to Family and Friends:

Annie is no longer eating or drinking. She is resting peacefully with her eyes closed. She is surrounded by family and friends who love her and stand with her against the night.

Hoping For More Time With Mom-Annie

Email from Ellie to Leslie and Jordan:

hello girls,
so... we think erica's mom is dying. i have been calling her my
godmother so people will understand the role she plays in my life. she
IS my godmother, but... we dont have the proper rites
or names...
the cancer spread to her brain, liver, abdominal lymph nodes, and
bones. the most recent development is that her bilirubin shot through
the roof because her liver wasnt draining well enough to get rid of
it... ts just not looking very good. if her bone marrow & liver arent functioning better within the next week or so, she's going to go to hospice & palliative care (no more
treatment/hope for continuing chemotherapy).
so... thats what has been going on in my life lately, pretty much. im
going to seattle this weekend, and the weekend after, and i just HOPE
that no funeral occurs while im there. my mom thinks there will be.
but at this point, there is still a chance that she will be able to
get more chemo and become less confused/more herself. even then, a few more good
weeks or months might be the absolute best we can hope for at this point.  :(
anyway... just wanted to give you guys the update.
love you both,
ellie

Hey Erica-Bear

Email from Ellie to Erica:

Hey Erica-Bear,
Just got this update from your dad via... I didn't realize/want to
admit to myself that it was this bad. My mom is planning on being in
Seattle this weekend, I'm planning on coming too, I hope thats okay. I
will hang out with you as much (or as little!) as you feel like...
I love you lots.
- Ellie

Update On Mom-Annie's Health

Email from John Switten:

Dear Friends and Family of Anne Knight,

Annie woke up on Friday and has been somewhat alert off and on since then. The jaundice has diminished and her color is coming back and she is able to give short answers to some questions. She was able to eat a few bites of solid food. She is still in a lot of discomfort but they should be able to get her home Sunday afternoon using oral pain management and appropriate at-home care. Joe has ordered medical supplies to be delivered to their house and plans to take her home this afternoon and use home health care to supplement family care.

Joe is taking calls but ends up making a lot of callbacks which take up his time. Phone calls to Buzz at xxx are encouraged to get updates and schedule visits.  Call Joe first if you want to visit. Please keep your visits short, 15 minutes or less, so both Joe and Annie can get rest.

Thank you again for your good wishes.

Mom-Annie's Health

Email from John Switten to Friends and Family of Anne Knight:

This is a short message to give you an update on Anne’s health. As most of you already know, Annie has been receiving treatments for the last 2 years for the metastatic breast cancer that now resides in her liver.

On Monday, Jan. 28th, Annie was admitted to Virginia Mason Hospital here in Seattle to see if a procedure could be performed to remove an obstruction to her liver duct that was backing up drainage and causing a severe case of jaundice. The procedure was performed successfully on the 29th and she has been at the hospital recovering since that time. She is very frail and weak but the jaundice is abating and the hope is that she will be able to recover well enough to go home and start on a round of chemo again that could potentially shrink the tumor in her liver.

Joe has been with Annie in her hospital room around the clock since Tuesday morning with only a couple of breaks to go home and check the mail and phone messages. At those time Pam or I stay with Annie.

At this time Annie remains virtually completely unable to communicate. We hope this will change soon. She needs to rest now so I don't advise visiting at the hospital. It would be best to call if you want to visit. In the mean time we'll do our best to keep you updated on her condition.

If you call Joe and he doesn't answer or call you back don't be surprised. He has his hands full. We do appreciate all the encouraging words of support and thoughts and prayers.

If you want to call for information, please contact her brother, Buzz Switten, at xxx or by email at xxx. Cards can be sent to the home at xxxx, Shoreline, WA 98177.

If you want to provide food or something else, please coordinate with Buzz’s partner, Pam Xander, by calling her at xxx or emailing at
xxx.


Email from Ellie to Erica:

I've been so worried about your mom, but i feel stupid saying that because im sure it doesnt compare to what you're going through. i am SO SO SO glad to hear that her bilirubin is down, rbi back to normal, and that she is starting to wake up and recover... all my love and all my best.
i wish i could be in seattle right now.
:(
i love you SO MUCH. and i love MomAnnie. im all sniffly... tell her to
GET (all!!) BETTER SOON.
- Ellie